TRACKING THE PULSE
Stories, Sparks, Snapshots — From Our World to Yours.
On April 30th, 2025, CUE and Community Center Shanghai (CCS) co-hosted a panel discussion on The Unspoken Realities of Studying Abroad.
With 27 years of service, CCS is a trusted mental health non-profit committed to providing accessible support across the city. Well known for its dedication to the expat community, CCS brings invaluable expertise in navigating cross-national transitions—support that is especially crucial for students and families preparing for overseas studies. We appreciate CCS for curating this event with CUE and preparing the following post. All event proceeds will be donated to CCS.
Guided by our moderator, four panellists—representing perspectives from schools and universities, parents, mental health counselling, and alumni—shared candid reflections. Together, they explored the often-overlooked challenges international students face, including cultural, psychological, emotional, interpersonal, familial, practical, and financial aspects.
They also shared tips, insights, encouragement, and actionable steps to help parents, students, and school staff better support young people before and during the major life transition of studying abroad at university. In the following we have collected some key takeaways from the evening.
Representing the school and university perspective, Jill Lauck drew on her 30 years of experience in university admissions and high school counselling across the U.S. and China to share insightful stories and observations.
Representing the student and alumnus perspective, Jerry Yang, who studied and worked in the Netherlands, then worked in Thailand and Shanghai, reflected on his experiences and what he might have done differently in hindsight.
CCS mental health counsellor Li Li provided both professional advice on mental health management and personal reflections from her time studying in Australia.
Tonye Stuurman, Counselling Project Manager at CCS, represented the parent perspective and shared her ongoing journey of navigating her child’s recent move abroad. We also thank Tonye for stepping in for our originally scheduled speaker, William, who was unable to attend due to unforeseen circumstances. We look forward to inviting him again next time.
Note: to read more about our panellists’ experience and backgrounds, please scroll to the end of this article for their personal bios.
Freedom vs. Decision Fatigue
At first, studying abroad feels like a breath of fresh air; finally, no more rigid timetables, parental supervision, or compulsory check-ins. Many students imagine the adventure ahead: new friends, good food, spontaneous travel. These are valid! However, that sense of freedom often quickly morphs into something heavier. Without routines, reminders, or external structures, they’re left to face an overwhelming number of choices alone. It’s not just independence—it’s constant decision-making. What to eat. When to study. How to budget. Who to spend time with. It’s easy to underestimate just how exhausting that becomes.
For a lot of students, this sudden responsibility reveals itself in something they weren’t prepared for: decision fatigue. 💡And that fatigue doesn’t simply slow them down, it spirals into procrastination, self-doubt, and emotional depletion. What once felt like liberation starts to feel like quiet pressure, creeping into every aspect of daily life.
The rules of the academic game also shift. University deadlines are mostly fixed, and no one’s chasing you up. A missed deadline isn’t a warning; it’s a zero. The safety nets students were used to in secondary school vanish overnight. They are expected to know how to function as adults right off the boat, with little real transition or support.
Even the day-to-day becomes unexpectedly complex. Cooking, cleaning, managing rent, understanding the fine print of a tenancy agreement, these are the less exciting parts of adulthood. They’re the quiet, unpaid labour of independence. By the second year, many students move off campus only to realize they don’t know how to run a household. Add to that the reality of inflation, unfamiliar currencies, and the subtle drain of financial anxiety. It’s clear that independence doesn’t arrive as a singular event—it accumulates in small, often invisible ways. It is best to pick up some of these life skills before departure.
Few parents or students expect just how much emotional and practical work falls on international students. Arriving from all corners of the world, host institutions tend to fall short on tailoring their systems to account for such diverse backgrounds, leaving many to navigate everything alone.
💡Encouraging students to plan an independent trip before university—booking their flights, finding their way in a new city—can offer a vital rehearsal for what lies ahead.
Because, in the end, freedom isn’t the absence of structure. It’s the ability to build and hold structure for yourself, especially when there’s no one else there to catch you.
The Myth of the Linear Path
Many students enter university expecting a straightforward journey: study hard, graduate, and step into a clear career path. But the reality is far less linear. Students encounter failures far more than they’re used to, whether it’s a disappointing grade, a rejected application, or plans that suddenly shift due to external changes (e.g. geopolitics, institutional fund-cutting).
The initial encounters with failure can feel devastating. Without prior conversations about failure as part of growth, students may feel crushed or question their worth. Yet, these experiences of failing are crucial for building resilience and self-understanding.
Life rarely moves in a straight line. Paths twist, turn, and sometimes loop back.💡Success isn’t simply about grades or prestige but about discovering who you are or what matters to you, what meets your inner needs and which direction you want to head towards. Allowing room for exploration and change helps students develop confidence and the courage to create a fulfilling life.
Cultural Shock and Identity Displacement
Studying abroad isn’t just about learning new facts—it’s a profound challenge to one’s sense of self. Many students imagine making friends and exploring, but quickly find themselves puzzled by unfamiliar social cues and cultural expectations. What’s considered normal or polite can feel like a mystery.
Adjusting to a new culture means relearning how society works, from registering with local authorities to academic norms and social behaviours. This can feel unsettling or overwhelming, shaking the very foundations of identity.
Beyond practical challenges, there’s an emotional cost. Students often feel disconnected from their old lives and unsure where they belong. This sense of being between worldscan lead to loneliness and an identity crisis.
Yet, this displacement also offers growth. Living in a foreign environment pushes students to develop resilience, courage, and a broader sense of connection to the world. It’s a difficult but powerful step towards becoming someone new and more mature.
Across the Generational Divide
Parents often want the best for their children and focus on the practicalities: getting good grades, submitting applications on time, sorting visas and housing. Yet, what often gets missed in all this logistics isthe psychological and emotional journeytheir children are embarking on. Many parents don’t fully understand the depth of the struggles students face, leading to a disconnect between intention and experience.
This gap isn’t about blame; it’s about the differences in experience and communication styles between generations. In many families, emotions are not openly discussed, and vulnerability can be seen as a weakness. So when students feel overwhelmed, lonely, or unsure, they may struggle to express themselves or ask for help.💡Parents can unintentionally reinforce this by focusing on fixing problems rather than listening deeply or acknowledging feelings.
💡Some parents have learned through trial and error that simply asking “How are you really?” instead of “What are your grades?” creates space for their children to open up. Emotional check-ins, even if small, can help students feel safe sharing their challenges. At the same time,parents themselves are on a learning curve, discovering how to support without taking over, and how to encourage resilience while providing comfort.
Bridging this generational divide requires patience and curiosity; parents need to meet their children where they are, rather than where they wish they’d be. It’s an ongoing conversation, one that can deepen relationships and provide the emotional foundation students need.
Becoming Someone New
The experience of studying abroad is transformative in ways few expect. Being away from familiar support systems—family, language, routine—forces students to develop new strengths and skills. It’s not just about surviving university life; it’s about becoming someone new.
This process is rarely smooth. Students often face moments of doubt and identity confusion as they grapple with cultural differences, loneliness, and the pressure to succeed. They might feel like they don’t belong anywhere, caught between the life they left behind and the one they’re trying to build. But through these challenges, they grow resilience and mental strength.
Becoming someone new means stepping into a larger world and learning to trust oneself in the face of uncertainty. The real value isn’t just the degree, but the confidence and courage gained along the way. It’s a shift from being defined by familiar roles to creating a new, self-defined identity. This journey shapes not only who they are academically, but who they are as people.
Mental Health and Emotional Openness
While academic prep gets all the focus, emotional readiness is often overlooked.Beneath the packing lists and visa forms lies something quieter: the everyday support of friends, family, school—even familiar food—that students often take for granted. When that disappears, many are left unsure how to stay grounded or create groundedness.
The freedom of university life is frequently mistaken for an easy ride. But without parents reminding them, teachers checking in, or the familiar routines of school, students suddenly become responsible not just for their studies, but for their entire emotional well-being. And the pressure to appear as though they are managing perfectly can feel immense. Vulnerability, for many, still feels like a risk. In high-achieving or competitive environments, students often grow up associating emotional expression with weakness.If emotions were rarely spoken about at home, students tend to internalize the message that discomfort should be hidden or dealt with privately.
Because mental health is often not openly discussed in families, early signs of distress can be missed.Fatigue, procrastination, and withdrawing from social life are commonly written off as normal adjustment struggles. But missing lectures, spending a lot of time in bed, or losing interest in previously enjoyable activities can be signs of something more serious. Sadly, many only seek help once they have reached breaking point.
There is also a quieter kind of grief that often goes unrecognized.💡What can appear as laziness or detachment might actually be a deep yearning for the familiar tastes of home, the rhythms and rituals left behind, the comfort of being understood without having to explain oneself. Some students find themselves mourning a life they once had, even if they hadn’t realized they would miss it.
💡 This is why emotional openness isn’t merely a personal trait, it is a skill to be learned.It starts at home and can be nurtured throughout education. Learning to name emotions, to ask for help without shame, and to realize others share similar struggles are not small lessons. They are vital tools for coping and thriving.
Mental health is not separate from academic or social success; it underpins both. The sooner we stop treating emotional difficulties as personal failings, the sooner we cultivate the soil that truly supports all.
Conversations That Should’ve Happened
Looking back, panellists shared that talks about failure, mental growth, emotional struggles, identity shifts, and what genuine support looks like are often absent from pre-departure preparations.
Without those conversations, students are unprepared for the realities of transition. They face feelings of failure or loneliness in isolation, unsure if what they’re experiencing is normal or if help is available. 💡Seeking mentorship from those who have walked the path before is wise; they can offer practical insights and emotional reassurance that textbooks and official orientations often miss.
Among the panellists, there were desires that these difficult but essential conversations become part of how we prepare young people for the major life transitions of overseas studies, so they don’t have to navigate alone or in silence.
As we wrap up, we’re left with more than just words—we’re left with feelings, reflections, and a quiet reminder that everyone’s journey is personal, messy, and still beautifully human.
These voices remind us that life transitions, especially across cultures, generations, and expectations, are rarely easy, but always meaningful.
Whether you’re a student, a parent, or an educator, may this recap offer you not just insight but also comfort. You are not alone. The path may twist and turn, but there is space for you to find your own way—and your own people—along it.
Let’s keep listening, keep questioning, and keep walking alongside one another. Until next time.
Emma is passionate about holistic student development and deeply understands the academic, social, and emotional demands on students from both professional and personal points of view. As Program Director at CUE, she brings her expertise as an international educator with 17 years of teaching experience in the US, UK, and China, having taught in multiple schools, including Harrow Beijing, Yew Chung International School Shanghai Puxi and Forest School London. Through this, she has gained in-depth institutional insights into areas where students require more transitional support than schools currently provide. A dual US/UK citizen by birth, Emma has experienced cross-national transitions throughout her life. She grew up in the US and earned her BA in History and Sociology from Williams College, MA, USA, with an exchange program at Oxford University, England. After moving to London and obtaining her teaching qualification from the Institute of Education, she pursued an MA in Education at University College London while teaching in various schools across London. Emma understands that navigating educational journeys across continents demands thoughtful, tailored support, and she draws on her rich personal experiences to inspire and guide the next generation. At CUE, Emma directs initiatives that enable institutions to better support students through the critical transition periods from high school to university. She facilitates students’ preparation not just for university, but also for life beyond school and being schooled. Over the years, Emma has honed her ability to mentor students from diverse backgrounds, helping them navigate the personal and cultural nuances involved in the significant decisions, changes, and challenges they face during relocation and transition.
Jill attended Bryn Mawr College and Oxford University, places she still considers very dear to her. For twelve years, she worked in university admissions. At Hampshire College for a year, then at Wellesley College and Princeton University, where she worked as director of international admissions for both revered institutions. These experiences first brought her to China and SAS. Jill then served as director of college counselling at Tower Hill School (Wilmington, DE), the American School of Paris, and now at SAS Puxi for the past 15 years. In Paris, Jill also taught students the “Theory of Knowledge.”
Li is a registered counsellor from Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia (PACFA) and a certified career counsellor. She has a dual career path in counselling psychology and commerce, holding a bachelor’s and master’s degrees in psychology and counselling from Monash University and commerce degrees from the University of New South Wales. Before counselling, she had more than ten years of experience in the investment and consulting industry. Li was born in Shanghai and went to Australia in high school. Hercross-cultural background, corporate experience, and counselling speciality made her unique and well-suited for cross-culture, self-exploration, personal growth, emotion management and relationship counselling.
Tonye is a mental health and gender-based violence advocate, workshop facilitator, writer, trainer and a loving mother. She brings profound empathy and authenticity to all she does by leveraging her background in journalism and a postgraduate degree in Women and Gender Studies, and her lived experiences, growing up under Apartheid, surviving rape, and parenting a child with anxiety. Tonye and her family have travelled and lived across continents, from South Africa, Bahrain, Lesotho to China. In 2024, Tonye and her husband became empty nesters when their daughter left to pursue her university studies in the Netherlands. In response, they’ve been proactively and intentionally navigating this life transition. Building on years of community work in Shanghai, Tonye is creating supportive spaces for parents, teens, and young adults experiencing similar transitions, mostly via the Community Center Shanghai (CCS). Through panel events, support groups, and group chats, she fosters open dialogue and peer connection during this pivotal stage of life. As a Global Parent Advisor for our Transition Into Global Student Life series, Tonye channels her commitment to youth mental health into actionable insights. She advises on the research and development of learning content, ensuring it reflects the realities of modern parent-child relationships and resonates with the voices of today’s young people
Jerry Yang (杨雨晨) brings a wealth of lived experience in navigating cross-cultural transitions as a young adult, having spent significant time living, studying, and working across the Netherlands, China, and Thailand. He holds a master’s degree in business communication from Erasmus University Rotterdam and began his career at Randstad’s global headquarters in the Netherlands. After three years in the Netherlands, he moved into the digital economy space, working as a Key Account Manager for a leading OTA platform in Thailand. He just returned to Shanghai and now works in cross-border payments, supporting global merchants in optimizing their international payment strategies.Having personally navigated questions of identity, purpose, and belonging across continents, Jerry brings deep empathy and insight into the complexities of global mobility as a young adult. He is passionate about creating space for others to explore their own journeys and sharing the lessons he’s learned along the way.
